Animaniacs: Remix
by zackhalladay
Summary: When you've got a drug-addicted, alcoholic, chain-smoking guy with a dark past some very odd powers living next door to three siblings who are known for chaos, expect insanity and destruction. Rated M for Sexual Content, Major Language, Drug and Alcohol Use/Abuse, Smoking, and really bad stabs at characters from random franchises in the form of movie theater chatter.
1. Introduction

Animaniacs: Remix

(Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following characters, brands, franchises, or anything already claimed in the following story. I own the main character and some of the locations. Rated M for major language, sexual innuendos, drug and alcohol use and abuse, and really shitty stabs at dickhead characters from various franchises like Snape or Luke Castellan)

Introduction: Klonopin and Bud Light Platinum at 2:30PM

Hi. You may be wondering, "Since when do Klonopin, Bud Light Platinum, and children's cartoons from the 90s go together? It's like Super Mario and having a Super Walmart with McDonald's in-game. It's not physically possible nor is it right." Too bad assbang. It's that way for a reason. So shut your shit up and let me tell the story. Where was I? Hmmmmm…..something about Klonopin and dis- AH HA! Anyway, our story pretty much begins in a house in a Burbank ghetto. We got Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss by Bloodhound Gang cranked on a stereo system in the corner of the living room. We have clothes, wrappers, cans, bottles, empty pill containers, etc. all over the place. The bathroom reeks of vomit, piss, and cheap perfume from the hooker who my friend who lived there was doing the Missionary with the bitch for $500 the night before. Well that explains the hot pink thong and used condoms on the lamp in his bedroom. HEY! FUCKTARD! WAKE UP! If you haven't noticed, the lump in the green boxers, Eminem t-shirt, and one Nike sneaker, that's the main character Joseph "Ace-ball" McHowitz. He lived at 666 Sundown Road, with, oddly enough, the Warner trio, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, living next door at 665 Sundown Road. Well, with the four main characters introduced, the chapterly quota of at least one explicit plain-as-fucking-day sexual reference established, we can get on with our shit and the story.


	2. Chapter 1

(You saw the motherfucking disclaimer already you half-assed retarded lawyers. Need I say more bitches?)

Chapter 1: Neighborly "pleasantries"

He got up at about noon. He had a very hazy vision in his head of a really hot hooker and a bottle of Hennessey cognac. He smiled to himself and went to get a Benadryl and a Bayer and a soda when a loud pounding at his door shattered his mind even harder than the loud pounding music from his stereo. He yelled, "ALL RIGHT YA DAMN COP I'M SHUTTING IT OFF!" He shut the stereo off and went to the door. He opened it and standing there was Dot Warner, youngest of the Warner siblings. She, by this time, was around 14, and already looking for her 3rd boyfriend. She asked, "Hey Mr. McHowitz. Have you seen a necklace some woman stole from my room last night?" The man who owned the house was none other than Joseph "Ace-ball" McHowitz, a chain-smoking, booze-chugging, pill-popping skinny 20-something with a really mysterious, shady, and dark past. He had red eyes, which was odd in itself, brown hair with a lot of dandruff and a very oily, dirty appearance. He had 5 o'clock shadow, a really gravelly, tough voice, and a scar on his neck from when he was about a week old. He was thought to be the devil's spawn when he bought reportedly possessed 666 Sundown Road. But within 10 minutes of owning the house, three demons and a ghost tore out the door, paused, pointed, whimpering, at McHowitz, and zoomed off again in what seemed to be very primal fear at the mere thought of him owning the house. Anyway, back to the here-and-now. McHowitz remembered the hooker wearing a necklace. She had left it on the floor by the TV. He brought it to her and said, "This it?" She said, "Let me guess. You hired that woman as a hooker." He said, "Right on the head." Then, Yakko, a good friend of McHowitz, as much as he detested the drugs, smoking, alcohol, and random sex and hookers, appeared and said to Dot, "Why are you bothering Ace-ball again?" He said, "Her necklace was stolen and that Minerva slut was playing doctor with me last night and she left the necklace by the TV." Dot looked disgusted, Yakko looked mildly frustrated at the lack of common sense that there was a child there, and Wakko was looking very happily at his hero. Wait, WHAT? Wakko had popped into the picture to see what the noise was all about and saw that McHowitz had gotten lucky yet again. Yakko noticed Wakko and steered both of them toward their house next door, 665 Sundown Road, saying "THANKS!" and "SORRY TO BOTHER YOU!" the whole time. Well, now McHowitz settled into his armchair after taking his allergy and aspirin pills and watched "The Eminem Show", laughing at a Slim Shady skit about Vicodin, Cristal, a Mac 10, and a dildo up a Waldo impersonator's anus, and yelling "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" when, as Marshall Mathers, he started saying something about a Boeing 747 and a stolen Mercedes meeting during a police chase and, oddly enough, the driver, who had been buying Klonopin from a dealer when the cops showed up, survived and got away. The driver was McHowitz. He ordered a pizza that night, ate it, and went to bed at 4 AM after driving a car into the ocean and drowning while running from a hundred police cars on Grand Theft Auto: Bridgeport City.


End file.
